O. M. G. Jersey Shore Season 5 is beginning right now. MTV is treating us to a montage of select scenes from Season 4, when the crew was in Italy. Can you remember what they did? No? Drank too much? Figured. Then keep reading.
The crew is in Italy, leaving their pad and heading back to Jersey. Pauly D is singing, poorly, about going home. They are actually happy to leave Italy in favor of the state of New Jersey. Really.
The gang is on an airplane. They quickly arrive in the states. Deena kisses the dirty airport carpet. OK, we're moving quickly. They're all in a van driving to ... their same old beachside home? No one wants to room with the Situation, naturally. They start arguing about it immediately.
The van pulls up to the now infamous house. It appears Bates-like in its austerity. The duck phone awaits as they walk inside. The gang screams as they run to their beds. Everyone starts unpacking, except for the Sitch, who's slowly dragging his suitcase upstairs.
Turns out that the Situation and Sweetheart are rooming together. The Situation is waxing intellectual about the whole scene. Sweetheart tells him, straight up, stay out of her and Ron's bidness.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen: Snooki is smelling the pickle jar. She, Ron and Deena are doing pickle shots. The rest of the house joins in with a quickness. Toast time! Here's to a deviant summer!
The crew heads out at night and goes to the shirt store, since they'll be "working" there again. Working. Again. Pauly D loves it; he's happy to be back at the shop. Their "boss" says he'll take them out for drinks the next day. Sweet.
On to the boardwalk: the crew ride the rides, Snooki falls over, it's good times.
New day, new tan. Pauly D is ready to get his melanin on. He, the Situation, Vinny and Ron are in the SUV. They reach the tanning salon and scream that it's an emergency. They quickly run into the cancer booths and get a double dose. Afterward, they hit the gym. Third, the laundromat. The men are in heaven.
Back at the house: Snooki misses her emotionally abusive boyfriend. Last time she saw him, she cut his trust in the most gorgeously, stupid way possible.
OK, back to the guys: They get dumb haircuts from the 80s and return to the house. They get dressed up and head out for drinks with their "boss."
The gang walks into what they think is an empty bar but turns into a surprise party! Yowza!
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It's the crew's family, friends, even JWoww's juicehead boyfriend is there. Deena's sister is there. Mr. JWoww makes an appearance. Snooki's friend Ryder, who has associated with far too many guys in the crew, is there.
Vinny gets teary, like the wimp that he is. Somebody's uncle is hitting on every woman there.
JWoww is worried about how Snooki's bf is going to deal with the situation, lowercase. It's apparently a volatile scene. We've been told they're not dating anymore, though they have been seen together as recently as Christmas. Just so ya know.
Oh, listen to this: the Situation is still claiming that he and Snooki associated. He's wearing these dumb sunglasses indoors and trying to create drama. Snooki starts cursing at some random guy, who the Situation claims is the main witness to the alleged association. Snooki, who may have been drinking, is yelling across the bar while the Sitch tries to calm her down.
The Situation promises Snooki the random guy won't say anything. She cries, which might be confirmation of the Situation's story? Ron says he thinks they did associate. Snooki says she's got to use the ladies and wanders off.
